My Chronic Fatigue Journey
It has been a few years since this story was my present and now I feel ready to share. I hope that it encourages you on your journey and reminds you that you are not alone in your sickness and story.
First, a little back story. I used to pride myself in being busy. I found great satisfaction and identity in what I was doing and all the things that filled my time. In high school, I was a cheerleader and constantly on the go. When college hit, I felt a need to get involved and fill my time again. It seemed normal and it was. I truly didn’t know another way of living. As the Lord was deeply healing my heart in college, I began to recognize the burn out I was living in. I was constantly living in a state of exhaustion and instead of tending to my body, I pushed through.
Daniel and I were engaged my senior year at A&M and I was the busiest I had ever been. With graduation approaching, planning a wedding, an internship, work, and all the other groups and ministries I was a part of, I was stressed to the max. It felt like my normal way of living until my face began to break out in hives. No other part of my body, just my face. I was tested for allergies and they could not find a cause. My doctor shared with me that it was stress. What, stress?! I had never experienced stress manifesting itself in my body, but this quickly got my attention. My body was screaming at me to give it some loving and care.
Fast forward to coming home from our honeymoon. The exhaustion hit, yet I didn’t have all the things pulling on me anymore. I had space to breathe, yet I felt more tired than ever. I began searching for help and I was encouraged to sleep more and take it slow. While I appreciated the care, this didn’t sit well with me. I knew there was something wrong and I was determined to find a solution.
Through much research and frustrating appointments, I finally found a Functional Doctor in my area that helped me tremendously. She ran a bunch of tests and diagnosed me with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. I was grateful for answers in this diagnosis and was resolute to do whatever it took to heal my body.
My doctor put me on a strict eating plan, supplements, and guided me in holistic health as I began a healing journey. It took a long time - about a year and a half of investing in my health in ways I never had. I wondered if my body would ever heal at times. I felt alone and confused, as many would ask and not understand what Chronic Fatigue was.
To me, Chronic Fatigue looked like being tired all the time no matter what sleep and rest I got. A shower felt like a huge task that would drain all my energy for the day. As a young woman, this felt even more confusing. I also had continual pain throughout my body. It is difficult for others to understand because from the outside everything looks normal. This brings a layer of loneliness to this illness. If you have a chronic illness, I see you, God sees you, and you are not alone. Your pain is seen by Him.
I mostly kept this journey to myself due to the lack of understanding I received from others. I had a circle of my closest people who encouraged me and that was exactly what I needed. I did not have to prove myself or explain it all. I was on a healing journey and kept moving forward. If you know someone struggling with a chronic illness, let them know you see them and ask them how they are doing. Although trying to be helpful, asking if they are better yet is not helpful at all. Instead, ask them how they are doing with their illness and what they need. Illnesses can feel isolating and when people avoid the topic completely, it can feel even more so.
I learned that saying no is a valuable tool to protect my health. I recognized that the HIIT workouts I was doing were tiring my body and not bringing the restorative movement my body needed. I began pilates and walking. These gentle and strengthening forms of movement became something my body craved and a delightful form of exercise that I continue today.
I allowed myself to take a nap every day. I put it on my schedule and made it a part of my daily life!
I became disciplined in ways I never imagined, specifically in the way I was eating. I was pleasantly surprised to find this discipline flow into other areas of my life. As discipline in one area is flourishing, you’ll find discipline becoming much easier in the other areas of your life too! I love how God created us in this connected way!
Gratitude became a way that I began to interact with my body. Instead of the frustration of what it wasn’t doing, I started thanking it for what it was doing for me. We have a relationship with ourselves. Begin by looking at the way you talk to yourself. When critical self-talk arises, recognize it and combat it with a kind word of gratitude to yourself.
Busyness is not something to be proud of. Dallas Willard wisely said, “Hurry is the great enemy of spiritual life in our day. You must ruthlessly eliminate hurry from your life.” A book that I LOVE and was so helpful throughout this learning season of slowing down is The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry by John Mark Comer. Another book that I recently re-read and found helpful in this time is called Sacred Rest by Dr. Saundra Dalton-Smith. These resources are gold, people!
I clung to scripture. The Lord showed me Mark 5:34 which says, “Daughter your faith has made you well, go and be healed of your disease!” I placed this verse on my mirror and proclaimed it daily as I desired healing and pursued faith.
Sabbath became a topic of discussion in our home. We are not perfect at it but actively scheduling Sabbath has been a game-changer.
Slowly but surely, I began healing. With the help of my doctor, I greatly leaned on the Lord’s guidance and became aware of the changes He began bringing to my life.
Daniel faithfully prayed for me every day to be healed. I prayed and cried out to God for healing, but to have his faith as well was such a gift. Toward the end of my journey I began feeling better, but I still had this cloud of fatigue over me. One night Daniel prayed over me, and from that moment forward the fatigue was gone! Thank you God!
While this journey is not one I would have chosen for myself, I have learned valuable practices that I will continue to carry with me for the rest of my life. I became passionate about full health: body, mind, and spirit. Today, I am in tune with my body and health in a way that I never would have been without Chronic Fatigue. Isn’t it odd to look back and see the struggles as the things that have shaped us a little more into His image? He is so gracious.
I recently noticed my body needing some extra care after a year of many hardships. I am grateful that I can use the practices I learned through my Chronic Fatigue Journey to give my body the loving it needs right now.
What is your body saying to you right now? If it could speak, what would it say? What would it ask for? I encourage you to notice and ask your body what it needs often. Our bodies are a gift and a temple of the Holy Spirit. He is our loving Shepherd that is leading us to tenderly care for our body.
Looking back at this journey, I see God’s faithfulness and many answered prayers! I am so grateful. There are also many unanswered prayers in my life right now. I don’t always understand but I choose to trust Him. I focus on His faithfulness and rest in His timing.
